1. You can correctly pronounce Pio Nono, Tobesofkee, and Ocmulgee.
2. Nu-Way hotdogs actually taste good to you. (Now, wait just a minute......)
3. Houston County doesn't make you think of Texas.
4. You miss the Whoopee.
5. There is a church less than a mile from your house.
6. You blame everything on the Mayor.
7. You know the pink poodle isn't a nightclub.
8. You see nothing wrong with men wearing pink suits and flower pins in March.
9. You think Mark Ballard has a secret.
10. You know the words to 13wmaz's theme song.
11. You take a vacation for the grand opening of Bass Pro Shop, and it's opening is bigger than the president coming to town.
12. You know there is nothing sexual about a quickie, The Big Bang Boom, or The Taste of Downtown. (A "quickie??)
13. You've referred to the Big Peach to give someone directions.
14. You know the Hay House doesn't board horses.
15. You've used a fake name to sneak in Lake Wildwood.
16. You know D.A.R.E means "drugs are really expensive.
17. An inch of snow makes you panic and run to Kroger.
18. You have been on a field trip to the Indian Mounds.
19. You have at least one scar from Olympia Skating Rink.
20. You have nothing better to do than to read this list.
21. You're bored on a Friday or Saturday, you know something that will keep you amused on Zebulon Road.
22. You've ever 'cruised the zeb'
23. You find yourself secretly defending Little Richard when people make fun of him, just because he was born in Macon.
24. You go to Milledgeville to party on the weekends.
25. There are always orange cones everywhere but no actual work being done
26. You have ever been to trivia night at Buffalo's
27. There are four different ways to get everywhere, plus the "shortcuts"
28. You love Finchers, H&H, and miss Shoney's.
29. You know Regal Cinema's "ride" is SOOO much cooler than Amstars.
30. You know how to handle the 75-16 split.
31. You went to at least 5 Macon Braves games before they went away.
32. Your idea of a Saturday well spent is visiting every shop in Ingleside Village and then supper at IVP.
33. You know people that consider Red Lobster fine dining.
34. You know to avoid Wal-mart, Sonic and Amstar on Saturday nights if you aren't 13.
35. You know that a Goose Burger is made of ground beef, and you were scared as a child that it was made out of goose.
36. Chili doesn't contain beans, hot dogs are red and chocolate malts are the best thing to ever happen.
37. You can look up your last name in the indexes of books about Rose Hill and find family members.
38. Someone says "Lets go bowling" you know you're going to Gold Cup, yet you still ask "Where?"
39. You've spent a Saturday at Smiley's
40. It's considered cool to go bowling after a big high school dance
41. There's any chance of snow at all, someone will say, "Remember that big blizzard back in '93?!"
42. You have ever decorated a bike or wagon in pink (even the boys)
43. You remember going to Starcadia when you were younger & know whenever someone talks about it you're like "That place is still open?"
44. You can automatically tell where someone goes to school simply by looking at them.
45. You know that Hardeman Ave., Vinville Ave., Forsyth Rd., and Highway 41 are all the same street, along with Pierce Ave., and Pio Nono Ave.
46. You'll be there in 15 minutes
47. You've heard of or have been to the "Pleasure Palace"
48. You knew Soft Hands Massage was a whoring place before they were arrested for prostitution.
Noah's ark - 2008 version
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States , and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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