Funny quotes from Stephen Wright

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  
  
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  
  
• My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
  
  
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  
  
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.
  
  
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  
  
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  
  
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  
  
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research.
  
  
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  
  
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  
  
• The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  

Funny quotes from Stepehn Wright

From yet another email I received!

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• The early bird may get the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.
  
  
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
  
  
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
  
  
• If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
  
  
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  
  
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  
  
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  
  
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  
  
• I intend to live forever..................... So far, so good.
  
  
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?