Funny quotes from Stephen Wright

From yet another email I received!

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• I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
  
  
• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  
  
• Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
  
  
• Half the people you know are below average.
  
  
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  
  
• 42.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.
  
  
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  
  
• A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.
  
  
• If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
  
  
• All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.