Showing posts with label maconmacguy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maconmacguy. Show all posts
The last 5 questions that need answers
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN BLEU CHEESE GOES BAD?
34. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
35. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN BLEU CHEESE GOES BAD?
34. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
35. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
Even more questions that need answers
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY? OR WOULD YOU EXPLODE?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY? OR WOULD YOU EXPLODE?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
10 more questions that need answering
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17 CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17 CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
What cartoon character are you?
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?
A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.
Answer all 10 questions with what describes you best, add up all your points (which are next to the answer that you choose) and scroll down for your results.
Do not cheat by looking at the end before you are done!
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
..a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
..B) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
..c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
..d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
..e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
..a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
..B) Alternative (1 pt.)
..c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
..d) Country (5 pts.)
..e) Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies do you prefer?
..a) Comedy (2 pts.)
..B) Horror (1 pt.)
..c) Musical (3 pts.)
..d) Romance (4 pts.)
..e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
..a) Waiter (4 pts.)
..B) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
..c) Teacher (3 pts.)
..d) Police (2 pts.)
..e) Cashier (1 pt)
5 What do you do with your spare time?
..a) Exercise (5 pts.)
..B) Read (4 pts.)
..c) Watch television (2 pts.)
..d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
..e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
..a) Yellow (1 pt.)
..B) White (5 pts.)
. .c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
..d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
..e) Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
..a) Snow (3 pts.)
...B) Pizza (2 pts.)
..c) Sushi (1 pt.)
..d) Pasta (4 pts.)
..e) Salad (5 pts.)
8 What is your favorite holiday?
..a) Halloween (1 pt.)
..B) Christmas (3 pts.)
..c) New Year (2 pts.)
..d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
..e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
..a) Paris (4 pts)
..B) Spain (5 pts)
..c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
..d) Hawaii (4 pts)
..e) Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
..a) Someone smart (5 pts.)
..B) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
..c) Someone who likes to party (1 pt.)
..d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
..e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and scroll down to find out who you most resemble!
Your score:
(10-16 points) You are Garfield
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy
You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times
(24-28 points) You are Elmo
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuses you with reality.
(44-50 points) You are Dexter
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes . Try to do less over thinking every once in a
while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.
Answer all 10 questions with what describes you best, add up all your points (which are next to the answer that you choose) and scroll down for your results.
Do not cheat by looking at the end before you are done!
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
..a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
..B) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
..c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
..d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
..e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
..a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
..B) Alternative (1 pt.)
..c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
..d) Country (5 pts.)
..e) Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies do you prefer?
..a) Comedy (2 pts.)
..B) Horror (1 pt.)
..c) Musical (3 pts.)
..d) Romance (4 pts.)
..e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
..a) Waiter (4 pts.)
..B) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
..c) Teacher (3 pts.)
..d) Police (2 pts.)
..e) Cashier (1 pt)
5 What do you do with your spare time?
..a) Exercise (5 pts.)
..B) Read (4 pts.)
..c) Watch television (2 pts.)
..d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
..e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
..a) Yellow (1 pt.)
..B) White (5 pts.)
. .c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
..d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
..e) Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
..a) Snow (3 pts.)
...B) Pizza (2 pts.)
..c) Sushi (1 pt.)
..d) Pasta (4 pts.)
..e) Salad (5 pts.)
8 What is your favorite holiday?
..a) Halloween (1 pt.)
..B) Christmas (3 pts.)
..c) New Year (2 pts.)
..d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
..e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
..a) Paris (4 pts)
..B) Spain (5 pts)
..c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
..d) Hawaii (4 pts)
..e) Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
..a) Someone smart (5 pts.)
..B) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
..c) Someone who likes to party (1 pt.)
..d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
..e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and scroll down to find out who you most resemble!
Your score:
(10-16 points) You are Garfield
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy
You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times
(24-28 points) You are Elmo
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuses you with reality.
(44-50 points) You are Dexter
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes . Try to do less over thinking every once in a
while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
Lip prints, Mirrors, and a very smart Principal
A certain private school was recently faced with a unique problem. Many 12-year-old students were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would have to remove them and the next day they would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called them all to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show them how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and proceeded to clean the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called them all to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show them how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and proceeded to clean the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers.... and then there are educators.
2 Robins were sitting in a tree.......
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
"I am so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.
"Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O K," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat sneaks up and gobbles them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
(You probably ought to sit down for this one)
They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
"I am so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.
"Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O K," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat sneaks up and gobbles them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
(You probably ought to sit down for this one)
Gee, I love Baskin Robbins............
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Obviously a take-off on the TV show with Jeff Foxworthy, but still interesting,This is an online test put up by the Orlando Sentinal.
Take it and see if YOU are!
AFLAC scam
Police are urging visitors to the city center to be especially vigilant for a new gang operating a slick routine aimed at stealing from unwary persons.
They say the gang usually comprises four members. Three younger ones, all appearing to be cute and innocent, divert their "mark" (or intended target) with a show of friendliness and fun. The fourth - the eldest of this gang of criminals - then sneaks in from behind the person's back, to expertly rifle undetected th rough his or her pockets and bags for any valuables.
The picture below was taken from CC-TV operating in the inner city, and shows the gang in operation. Be on the lookout!
They say the gang usually comprises four members. Three younger ones, all appearing to be cute and innocent, divert their "mark" (or intended target) with a show of friendliness and fun. The fourth - the eldest of this gang of criminals - then sneaks in from behind the person's back, to expertly rifle undetected th rough his or her pockets and bags for any valuables.
The picture below was taken from CC-TV operating in the inner city, and shows the gang in operation. Be on the lookout!
20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone one Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity....... let someone know about this blog!
Its Called Therapy!
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone one Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity....... let someone know about this blog!
Its Called Therapy!
Welcome to the Funny-Aha Collection!
This blog is a repository for all of those emails people send me that either make me laugh, or make me go "A ha!" or even "Hmmmmm........"
Hope you enjoy it.
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Hope you enjoy it.
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